I puked a lego.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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