She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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