I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Randomize
