dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
