You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
