Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
