Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
