I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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