My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
