I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
