oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
