Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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