Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry about my life...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
