White coat. Heels.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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