no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
