I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
