Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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