Yo dont text me then not text me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
