I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
