it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
