You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
