I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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