I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
birth control should be required to get into college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
