Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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