i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
