Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
