I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
