we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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