I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize