fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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