why didn't you poke me back
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
