kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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