Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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