based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
