i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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