did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
