I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize