the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
