bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
