I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
