To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
