so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
