i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
