there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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