the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
