you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
