please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
