haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
