1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
