I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
