names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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