i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize