I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You just made me feel so damn special
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
