So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
