I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
