Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
