You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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