nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize