Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
