u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
