I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
