The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
