The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
