my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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