Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
