he wants to bone in the snuggie
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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