Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
