Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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