i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
